You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
