matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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