He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
