She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You took a bar mat shot.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
