She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
