we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
