I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
