i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
