2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
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Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
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So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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