ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize