My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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