Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
