wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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