I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
