i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
