Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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