so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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