He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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