nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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