please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
