omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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