it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
