I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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