so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
