She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
