he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
