At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
