What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
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The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
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sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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