Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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