Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
