he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
