So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
