Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
