I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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