dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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