Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
