I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize