were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
