i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
