I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
