I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
