oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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