Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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