Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
