nut hugger
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
