Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
