i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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