yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
