Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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