I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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