wanna go halves on a baby?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
