just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
