its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
