My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
