My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
