Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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