You really coming over, don't trick.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
