I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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