in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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