you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
