How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
