Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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