Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
COCAINE IS GR8
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
