and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
They are going to name an STD after you.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize