i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
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