great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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